Have you ever reflect on the things you achieved in life? And how others judge your acheivements? If you tell me, you've never ever think about that, I can seriously say that you said no just to make yourself feel better.
Cause I believe no matter how confident a person you're. There's a part of you wanting to get that sense of belonging and the recognition from others. SO... Here comes the judging part.
I've used to be the introvert and submissive "good-for-nothing". I'm glad I've a friend who pulled me out of that stinky-shitty hole. I've been buried under there for too long. And now I'm happy to say I'm a better person..
But not so much of perfect yet...
Cause I've yet to do what I want in life. But I know I might not be able to fulfil what I want in this life. So I'm praying real hard that my life will end by the age of 35. Prolly the folks will be outta this universe, which is also a sign of me leaving. HAHAHAH! Okay~ This is all crap until I really commit suicide at my 35th birthday, which is so not going to happen.
Which also means I've to live my life the way I want from now on. Sigh! But I've yet to really live the exact lifestyle I want. If you're wondering what I wanna do. I'm just too crazy over art. I'm not a very good artist myself. But I just love how people express themselves in art. Example: They way they vent their anger, by splashing paint all over. Other may think he/she is insane. But you wont be able to feel how he/she is enjoying it. You wont even need to open your mouth and the next thing you know, you're feeling so much better.
Example 2: Get yourself stuck in a art gallery for hours. Staring at the same picture for a good half hour, you might be able to get so much of what the artist is expressing. But you might be the insane person is some minds. So which side do you belong to?
Some of us are just those who love our passion, yet not being supported. It's easy to talk. But when you need them to show you the support. They often turn their back on you. So much of support which they often mention about. I'm definitely one of the "victim", or else I wouldn't be typing this long piece of shit out.
I've wanted to do this since 6 years ago. But what have I become.. Lemme see. Erm.. A "electronics engineer - cum - Maths n Econs" freak.. This is just not me. Althou my couz said I'm not the artsy field person, but he had nvr see me in what I'm doing now. Esp the maths thing. HAHA!! Kay~ I love maths. But this is my own choice outta the whole list of UOL courses. So I'm suppose to stuck my fat ass there and finish it.
I'm not exactly unhappy with what I'm doing now. The folks had been really working hard to meet days and to support the brats. I'm thankful, but this is really not me. I told the Empress, she also the servant, since she do most of the chores. Anyway, before I drift, she was stunned when I asked if she would support me in a photography course after this degree.
Whao! Her expression is priceless. Which also means, I'm suppose to make whatever I got useful from then on. See where my life is leading to... Crap life! Hmm.. I know I wont be falling with this blardie lousy results, but I'll prolly be doing something which I'm so so not into.
Even the interview course speaker said so, give that he knew me for like 2 hours?!?!?!? Amazing huh?? I find so too.
I guess we just wanna lead the kinda of life we love. But there's always obstructions that stops us from moving towards what we want. But only the stronger ones will eventually move to their destination. For me, I'm just living by each day. Waiting for someone to take this all way from me, then prolly I can start to find a good family and reincarnate? Ha! I'm just full of shit.
And yeah, the Man of the family is my only BOULDER which I really need to climb over now.
I'm really unfilial to say this, but with him in my life for one day, I'll never be able to do the things I want. Shucks!!! Althou I'm outta the hole, but something I just feel like my ass is still stuck there, cause I'm doing things in fear. BLARDIE HELL!!!!
Someone please just set me free.. Once I'm free, I'll come set the others free as well.. HAHHAHA!!!
Make this last semester a better one and let me thru' once and for all. Which will then give me a little little chance to move to my passion. WHOOOooOooOooOo~
My entry is kinda evil. Which is why I like the blog to be private. Hur Hur!!!Labels: Emo ME, Passion
